


Loved, Held, Wanted, Home

by DaddyLuke



Series: A Return to Haven: Series [9]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: F/M, Life with Audrey & Nathan & Duke & James Parker, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25257685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaddyLuke/pseuds/DaddyLuke
Summary: In the seven years without him, it had become clear to Audrey and Nathan how deeply they both had been and remained in love with Duke, and how desperately they wanted him back to make their team whole again.
Relationships: Audrey Parker/Nathan Wuornos, Duke Crocker & Audrey Parker & Nathan Wuornos, Duke Crocker/Audrey Parker, Duke Crocker/Nathan Wuornos, James Cogan & Audrey Parker & Nathan Wuornos & Duke Crocker
Series: A Return to Haven: Series [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796647
Kudos: 4





	Loved, Held, Wanted, Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is really a dive into the psyches of the protagonists and of James, after the Threegulls have become a solid triad and are really a family unit with James, as part of the AU in my Return to Haven series

Perhaps it was some sort of grace that the time Duke spent — being whisked through the void and getting reconstituted in the Barn/Armory — was lived as seven years on the ground in Haven. For Nathan and Audrey, those seven years gave them a lot of the perspective and growth they needed. They had time to learn more of each other, to process what had happened, and to begin raising James anew.

The two years of high school romance that Nathan and Duke had spent together no longer feels as if it were a mere precursor to the battles the two men waged in their respective broken feelings later. It also no longer feels like time taken away from their love of Audrey. This is now finally true for all three of them. 

In the seven years without him, it had become clear to Audrey and Nathan how deeply they both had been and remained in love with Duke, and how desperately they wanted him back to make their team whole again. 

Audrey never let herself believe that Duke was really dead and gone. She told herself every day that if Duke ever returned, she would never let the three of them avoid facing what they are to each other. Nathan couldn’t even consider that there might not be some miracle that would return him. They both told James that Uncle Duke was part of their family, and was away doing important work, and that they hoped he’d come back to them safe and sound. 

After Duke returned, they were determined to get him to understand that they both still love him and were both still *in love* with him. They wanted to make sure that any of the unspoken wants and needs they had for each other were no longer unspoken. Seven years shook loose Nathan’s deep yearning for Duke. It also convinced Audrey that trying to choose between them — to stave off potential fears and to look socially presentable — had been a fool’s errand. 

For both Nathan and Duke, Audrey is their muse. They’d follow her anywhere. They’d do anything for her. She’s mystified by it, but she loves them with the intensity of a thousand suns. 

For his part, since he returned, Duke has accepted intellectually that he’s not keeping Audrey and Nathan from their traditional nuclear family. They have made it very clear that they are not a couple with a boyfriend, they are all three of them equal partners in this relationship. They show him in dozens of ways every day how much they want him.

James, who acts more like a little Duke than he does like either Nathan or Audrey, is an unmitigated joy, as far as Duke is concerned. “Uncle Duke,” is now among Duke’s favorite phrases to hear. And James seems to need to say it a lot. 

Still, Duke hasn’t been able to keep from sometimes thinking that it would be much easier on Nathan and Audrey if they had a normal relationship; that it would be much easier on James if he didn’t have a dad, a mom, and an uncle who were inseparable and shared the same bed. 

If it meant they’d be happier, Duke would walk away in a heartbeat. He had tried a time or two early on, but they would have none of it. He’s tired of walking away because of his fears that people don’t want him. 

Duke’s father and mother hadn’t wanted him. He thought Nathan didn’t want him, and sailed away, but he was wrong. He thought Audrey didn’t want him, but she wouldn’t let go, and he’d been wrong again. They just keep coming back to him, and keep dragging him back to them. So, he stays. 

He lets every moment with James convince him that he really is father material, and that he might be of some use to Jean some day, if she ever wants him to be. 

With Audrey and Nathan, he lets every early morning surf lesson, every meal, every late night drink, every movie, every card game, every text and spontaneous touch, every moment with them, convince him a little more that the small voice inside his head is wrong—the one that wants to tell him that he’s in the way and is complicating things.

Audrey and Duke and Nathan are still working on balancing themselves and each other. Not every day is a good day. There are still days — though they are far more rare now — when Nathan is angry and snappish, full of self-loathing and guilt. There are days when Duke will leave a note and disappear for hours. Audrey and Nathan get antsy on those days, but Duke needs the time to himself and they do their best to reassure each other and give him the space he needs. Audrey has her own bad days, where she creates task after task for herself to accomplish so she knows she’s still needed.

Nathan has always feared being abandoned, ever since his mother died, ever since the Chief seemed absent, ever since Duke sailed away. But Duke has been coming back for Nathan over and over again. It has happened so many times that now Nathan thinks of him as his anchor. Audrey fought tooth and nail to stay with them, and here she is. 

James — Nathan and Audrey’s biological son and Duke’s true son in spirit — is fast asleep. His dreams bring memories of another life, but he feels infinitely more safe and at home in this one. When he goes to school tomorrow, those dreams will be simply background music. When he goes to the station to bring His dad a coffee, He will be praised to the roof and shown he is loved. When he goes to tease his Uncle Duke and his mom at the Grey Gull, he will be in his element. 

Sitting in the living room, in front of the fire and the video screen, Duke’s arms wrap around both Nathan and Audrey, holding on instead of merely letting himself be held. 

Audrey closes her eyes and holds on to these two men, her partner and her touchstone. She feels any tightness in her chest dissolve. She can breathe again.

Nathan looks at the deep brown eyes of his anchor, and the storm-blue eyes of his muse, and he feels loved, held, wanted, home.


End file.
